The first night when I came home, drunk as I could be I Found a horse in the stable, where my horse ought to be Come here my dear little wife and explain this thing to me There's a horse in the stable, where my horse ought to be? You blind fool, can't you never see? It's nothing but a milk cow your granny gave to me I've traveled this wide world over, ten thousand miles or more Saddle upon a milk cow I never did see before The second night when I came home, drunk as I could be I found a overcoat on the coat rack, where my overcoat ought to be Come here my dear little wife and explain this thing to me There a overcoat on the coat rack, where my coat ought to be? Oh You blind fool, can't you never see? Nothing but a bed quilt your granny gave to me I've traveled this wide world over, ten thousand miles or more Pockets upon a bed quilt I never did see before The third night when I came home, drunk as I could be I found a head on the pillow, where my head ought to be Come here my dear little wife and explain this thing to me There's a head on the pillow, where my head ought to be? You blind fool, can't you never see? Nothing but a cabbage head your granny gave to me I've traveled this wide world over, ten thousand miles or more Eyes and nose on a cabbage head I never saw before