Rishathra, or, Prime Directive Shmime Directive

歌詞

Adam: We were doing Mok 1 in the Ookla-mobile Luis: And Rand was at the wheel Rand: With gear and clothes and Adam crammed against the windshield A: We were gonna filk until the break of dawn L: We're going to the con R: Luis Tomas Garcia had his Sandman T-shirt on A: Rand was driving I was playing my guitar L: And I was in the car R: And then we stopped A: And that's when Rand said, R: "I don't know where we are" A: I was trying to get the map unfolded when I heard a sound L: I looked around R: And then I noticed that the car was lifted off the ground All: What was going on how were we floating through the air? All: Maybe it has to do with that flying saucer over there? A: Hold on this might not be as bad as it seems L: What do you mean? R: We'll miss the con! L: What are you on? R: We're in a tractor beam! R: Luis looked down and marvelled at the endless rows of corn L: "That's a lot of corn!" A: And Rand beaped out the rhythm the theme of Close Encounters on the horn R: Adam was trying to teach his fingers what to do L: "Na noo! Na noo!" A: As we docked aboard what appeared to be an interstellar zoo R: I turned the car off and we timidly disembarked L: "We're double parked!" A: Gaping bewilderedly around this cosmic Noah's Ark R: And that's when Adam walked away without a glance L: I peed my pants A: I couldn't help it I was in some kind of weird hypnotic trance A: I woke up in a room with candles lit and muzak on A: I was lying on a bed with nothing but my tube socks on A: I saw a shapely silhouette in the door L: She was a ten! R: An alien! A: I was stiffer than Al Gore A: We didn't have a common culture or a common tongue A: We didn't have a thing in common as I've already sung A: We didn't have an ounce of mutual respect All: But we had sex All: We had sex All: Sex All: We had sex R: And then a hooded stranger took me by the hand L: "Don't leave me Rand!" A: But Rand just followed knowing that Luis would understand R: She asked me if I wanted latte or Darjeeling tea L: "I'm thirsty!" A: They quickly saw they had compatible personalities R: We had the same opinions we shared the same philosophy R: We had the same Snoopy lunchbox we watched the same shows on TV R: We both liked movies with cheap special effects A&L: But we did not have sex R: ("She said she just wanted to stay friends") A&L: We did not have sex R: ("She said she'd write me but she never did") A&L: No sex R: ("She gave me her phone number but when I called it it was a laundromat") A&L: We did not have sex A: With Rand and Adam gone Luis was all alone L: "E.T. phone home!" R: He was in the dark and all he could hear was Adam moan A: Things were looking grim for the drummer of Ookla the Mok L: "Help me Spock!" R" Next thing he knew Luis was on all fours stripped to his jock L: I was more scared than I had ever been in all my life L: I didn't want to spend the next forty years as E.T.'s wife A: Well maybe this isn't quite as bad as it seems... L: At least yours was a female! A&R: And they had sex L: ("Mine was a huge purple guy") A&R: They had sex L: ("And he had this huge, long... ANTENNAE") A&R: Sex L: ("And these bulging, humongous... EARS") A&R: They had sex L: ("It was horrible... I'm never doing that again!") A: It ended just as quickly as it had begun L: You mean YOU'RE done R: It was more confusing than the ending of 2001 A: I had a good time R: And I gained a friend L: It was a bad joke but I got it in the end