Mavis couldn't quite make it on Saturday Berryl was stuck on the tube from Victoria Cheryl and the rest had all found new boyfriends The only one left was the one in his head So he busies himself, quite amusing himself, by abusing himself All of his life he had wanted one true love One girl he could worship all day out all night in Alas all the girls he had met in his short life Were girls who always quite looked like his dad's wife So he busied himself, quite amusing himself, by abusing himself Oh dear what a pity, a pity, what a shame, oh what a shame Girls on glossy paper, never quite the same, not quite the same Always saying sorry, never quite the same, not quite the same Sitting one evening wrapped up in TV His doggy insists that he must find a tree so he Puts on his coat and he searches around for a Platinum lighter he dropped on the ground and he Bruises himself, where he uses himself, for abusing himself Out in the park he was walking his doggy He saw a young lady who made him feel soggy He spoke to her softly, she made not a sound then He realized that his match he had found, She was losing herself, quite amusing herself, by abusing herself