You can come and see my band, as I command Heavy metal rhythms from a middle aged man Smack my doggies when they crap on the rug But then I feel bad because I love that pug For years I've peddled, hard rock metal Got a dozen lawsuits but I'm hoping to settle I go on tour, the fans want more I love to throw things at the people next door I got kids showing up at all hours of the night Can't stand it but I handle it and try to be polite Gettin' old before my time thanks to Kelly and Jack Arthritis in my knee and a crick in my back Now I'm back on the scene 'though some find it obscene I'll be rockin' like this till I rupture a spleen A lot of dummies get money in a sound-alike band But nothing there can compare to the true Ozzman I hold the record in Guinness for bat heads finished I'm finding new ways to mutilate the Queen's English My son wears cammo, he wants live ammo I can't allow that or the house'll go kablammo I shave my stubble, I don't want trouble But the prince of friggin' darkness doesn't need no damn bubbles Like where I reside? I'll be your tour guide I bought it for a song I wrote about suicide The bad boy of rock, not to be mocked Move onto my block and you might get shocked We might seem weird but that's part of the drill We're sane compared to the rest of Beverly Hills Woah! Is that Ozzy? Uh, huh huh huh. Ozzy's an old fart [both laugh] Yeah, heh heh. Woah, chick it out. A mini-Ozzy Huh huh huh, yeah. He's a dork Yeah. Um. Hey Butthead. What's all that beeping? Uh, I dunno. Maybe there's a truck backing up or something Yeah, heh heh. The Ozzmobile! Hehehe [Batman theme] Du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh Ddu-nuh du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh Ozzy! Du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh.. Shut up, assmunch! Heh, hmm heh. Sorry 'bout that Beavis, check it out! A chick! Hm, cool! Uuuum. What's the matter with her hair? Uh huh huh. Come to Butthead [both chant Iron Man riff] Long hair I'm brushin', we have a discussion And they bleep half the show 'cause we can't stop cussin' I crunch a quarter note, I sacrifice a goat I watch the weather channel 'cause I can't work the remote MTV paid it, our show's the highest rated Anna Nicole is just way too sedated But sooner or later I'll need a translater Mumble like Schwartzenegger in Terminator Guitar chord ripper, Perrier sipper Walk around the house in my fuzzy bunny slippers Flesh like leather, worn and weathered Take the blame a lot myself, but we're all in this together My kids creations don't cause ovations They don't have talent, but they have agents Critics wanna diss, fans don't wanna miss A lot of networks got a show but it ain't like this Jack. Uh huh huh