There is a Barbie doll in the gravy boat up on mom's TV set An angel made of Styrofoam holds Rita's cigarette Santa waves an empty beer in his plastic hand Everyone is here again, it's Christmastime again You know the kids are in their sleepin' bags with every kind of toy And Ken and Kay have hit the hay in dad's new La-Z-Boy Fran has got a cozy spot beneath the Christmas tree Sittin' in his underwear, drunk as he can be Last night we stuffed our stockings and hung the mistletoe When Santa Claus came knocking, he looked like Uncle Joe Someone put the coffee on and find the Tylenol Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Holidays y'all Of course old dad got mom a flannel robe and Ken a socket set Mom got Kay a super value pack of Nicorette And Kay got Ken a NordicTrack and a new guitar for me Ken got sister Spanish speaking lessons on CD Last night we all sang Jingle Bells and opened up our hearts This morning our house looks like hell or possibly Wal-Mart Someone clean the gravy boat and dress the Barbie doll Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Holidays y'all We're makin' mimosas on the deck and packin' the U-haul Merry Christmas everyone, God bless us one and all