The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions

歌詞

And now a buffoon’s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college. Dean: well michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall. Buffoon: I got a snake, man! Dean: yes, pets are welcome here on campus. be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile. Buffoon: one time I fed it some beer man! it was slithering this way and that! it was all fucked up! Dean: I’m sure it was. well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus. Buffoon: fuckin’ shit! Dean: yes, that’s a not uncommon reaction to this policy. so tell me a little bit more about your background. Buffoon: my father’s a fucking asshole, man! Dean: hmm, I see. your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son. Buffoon: my mother’s a piece of shit too! Dean: well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn. Buffoon: my teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! she had her head way up her ass! Dean: well the quality of the faculty at a university such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school. Buffoon: your secretary’s a real fat bitch, man! Dean: yes, she’s tried many diets over the years with minimal success. Buffoon: I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day! Dean: uh huh, well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. so have you given any thought to your choice of major? Buffoon: I’ve got a big fucking boner right now. Dean: I see. well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense. Buffoon: one time I ate my neighbors shit! Dean: that’s understandable. well, I enjoyed meeting you. we’ll be sending you our decision by the end of the month. Buffoon: I bet you got really hairy balls. Dean: yes, it’s a veritable forest down there. bye bye.