You may talk about your colleges, fair Harvard and old Yale And all the universities who's banners brave the gale And all the football heroes, their glory and renown I never went to college, but I know I've been to town I may not be a football hero But I'm a star with the beautiful girls You never see me in the thick of a fight 'Cause I do my scoring mostly at night I never tackle any dummies I've played the best from near and far No I ain't, no I'm not a football hero But I'm a bear in a lady's boudoir They play football on the gridiron Where the ground is rough and hard I do my playing on a divan The ladies all say I'm a triple threat man I never have to call for time out For I'm always up to par Oh I ain't, no I'm not a football hero I'm a bear in a lady's boudoir I never fought for alma mater Because she never fought for me The boys win a letter for not playing rough I should get an alphabet for doing my stuff I'm pretty good at centre rushing That's the place I really star Oh I may not be, I'm not a football hero But I'm a dog in a lady's boudoir One time I swung into action I was rewarded with wild acclaim The captain said to me, "You're just a little runt As long as you've been playing you've never touched a punt!" When I removed my interference The goal was not so very far Oh I ain't, no I'm not a football hero Bit I'm a l-l-lady in a l-l-lady's boudoir