GASTON When a man like me is thwarted And denied his honeymoon LEFOU When the pretty thing he's courted Refuses to swoon GAASTON Then the time has come for a murky plan LEFOU For which he turns to a murky man ALL THREE To find that fiend where better than At the Maison des Lunes? GASTON You'll be strapping up an inmate LEFOU Very tightly GASTON Very soon But we won't bring him in late LEFOU Your check-in time's noon D'ARQUE How sad Maurice is not too well GASTON Prepare a five-star padded cell! ALL THREE And book him in for a long, long spell At the Maison des Lunes GASTON Do I make myself entirely clear? LEFOU It's the simplest deal of your whole foul career GASTON Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments LEFOU In a dreadful state GASTON She'll capitulate to me D'ARQUE Oh! Oh! Oh, I love incarceration I could lock up a platoon GASTON We'll apply your inclination To a mad old buffon GASTON & LEFOU Then wave one bachelor goodbye GASTON She'll be my bride LEFOU She'd rather die Than have her daddy ossify D'ARQUE The time's opportune ALL THREE So book the church, raise glasses high To the Maison des Lunes!