Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're everyone's favorite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on No one's been like Gaston A kingpin like Gaston No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating My, what a guy, that Gaston When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston I use antlers in all of my decorating Say it again Gaston