I Won't Be Home For Christmas

歌詞

Well it's hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit 'Cause every time that I get near it I envision the invasion that's on the way Yeah, same thing happens every year My kinfolks come from far and near To terrorize my home on Christmas day And, you know, it wouldn't be so bad If all that came was Mom and Dad But nooo, the whole fam damnily's got to show Uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins Nieces, nephews, by the dozens Don't these folks have anywhere else to go? A-and what a bunch of ne'er-do-wells They've all got some sad tale to tell So sayin' no is somethin' I just can't do And there's the extra shoppin' for gifts to give 'em And the only thing that they bring with 'em Is the latest virulent strain of Asian flu So I won't be home for Christmas Don't count on stayin' with me No I won't be home for Christmas I'm not tellin' anybody where I'm gonna be You'll have to trash your own house Eat your own food Go out and buy your own Christmas tree 'Cause I won't be home for Christmas So don't count on stayin' with me Now there's fourteen kids from seven marriages Skateboards, bottles and baby carriages And I'm just talkin' about my sister Rose Last night her husband du jour messed with the lights The fuse box blew in the middle of the night The heat went off and all the plumbing froze Yeah, and my brother Paul he's the worst of all He's six feet wide and five feet tall One foot taller, friends, and he'd be round! He'd clean a turkey in just four bites My wife cooks three every Christmas Eve night We try to eat one while he's wolfin' the other two down Last year I didn't sleep a minute Every bed I had had three people in it And they all stayed right on through New Year's Eve Aw, it was one exhausting situation I only get two weeks' vacation So I just took January off as medical leave And I won't be home for Christmas Don't count on stayin' with me No I won't be home for Christmas Don't think about askin' me where I'm gonna be Go on and trash your own house Eat your own food Go out and buy your own Christmas tree 'Cause I won't be home for Christmas So don't count on visitin' me I said don't count on botherin' me No don't count on stayin' with me I don't want no Christmas presents I don't want a Christmas card I don't even want a phone call!